No One Tells You How Hard It Is to Keep Friends When You Move Abroad
Goodbyes are built into the expat experience, but finding your people again is what makes it worth it.
Today’s post is about something harder than visas or moving boxes: keeping real friendships alive across time zones.
I’ve lived in three countries since leaving the U.S., and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that being an expat can be both beautifully full and unexpectedly lonely.
Between the school runs, new routines, and figuring out how to do life in another system, it’s easy to fill your days.
I’m a pro at it, keeping busy with the girls, diving into work, building what feels like “normal.”
And for a while, life is fine. Predictable. Productive.
But then there’s a quiet moment, maybe on a random Tuesday afternoon, when I realize how much I miss having a friend nearby.
Not a surface-level connection. A real one.
The kind of friend who’ll say,
“Girl, you’re overthinking it,”
or “You’re not crazy, this is hard,”
or sometimes just, “Let’s go for coffee.”
Those friendships matter more than we realize.
The Truth About Friendship as an Expat
It’s hard to maintain friendships through moves and time zones. No one really prepares you for that part.
The group chats get quieter. Calls get postponed because of work, or kids, or because it’s midnight where you are and 4 p.m. where they are.
You try to stay connected, but distance changes things, not because the love fades, but because life keeps moving.
Many of my friendships have come through my kids and school, or through business connections. Sometimes they start in the pickup line, or over a “let’s grab coffee” chat after a meeting.
But if I’m honest, I’m an introvert. It takes a lot for me to walk up to someone and start a conversation. And it takes even more for me to offer my number. I’ve always been that way. I observe first, feel the energy, then open up. Slowly.
And yet, the friendships I’ve made abroad, though often unexpected, have carried me through some of the hardest and happiest seasons of this expat life.
Why It’s So Hard (and Why It’s Still Worth It)
Over the years, I’ve learned something I didn’t expect:
Sometimes it’s hard to give your whole heart to a friendship when you know you won’t be in that country forever.
You build a quiet emotional wall to protect yourself, not because you don’t care, but because you’ve had to say goodbye too many times.
Still, I’m grateful. Every country I’ve lived in has given me friendships that shaped me. Women who shared their culture, their laughter, their stories, and sometimes just their presence when I needed it most.
This life would be far less enjoyable without them.
The American Distance
I’ve also realized that many of my American friends and family don’t travel the same way people from other parts of the world do.
Not because they don’t want to, but because of the system.
The cost of living is high. Vacation time is scarce. And for some, the thought of traveling halfway around the world feels impossible.
That makes maintaining friendships even harder. You end up living in two realities. One is where your day-to-day life abroad is vibrant and new, and another is where the people who knew you “before” can’t quite picture where you are now.
What I’ve Learned About Keeping and Making Friends Abroad
If you’re new to expat life, or just feeling the distance lately, here’s what I’ve learned:
Be intentional. Reach out regularly, even if it’s just a voice note or a “thinking of you” message.
Have virtual coffee dates. Ten minutes on Zoom with a friend back home can make a world of difference.
A like or follow doesn’t equal friendship. Staying connected on Instagram helps, but it’s not the same as staying in touch.
Say yes more often. Go to that community event, the playdate, the workshop. You never know where your next friendship will start.
Let people in. Even if it’s temporary. Some friendships are meant to walk with you for a season and that’s okay.
The Quiet Lesson
As much as I love building systems and structure in my business, friendship doesn’t work that way.
You can’t plan it.
You can’t automate it.
You can only make space for it.
Because even in the middle of new beginnings, different countries, and constant change, good friendships make life softer.
And wherever you are in the world, that kind of connection is worth the effort.
I just moved yesterday so this is very timely, thank you!
Very insightful post-- it resonates for both my wife and I who recently moved from the US to Italy. It's been a challenge to understand that many friends who have never visited the new country in which you're living, or maybe have never travelled much at all, simply can't envision or even try to imagine what your new life might be like. They're happy to chat about the things you always chatted about before, but they ask remarkably few questions about the life you're living now. It can be tough to preserve a friendship when you're no longer sharing common ground.